Karen's Blog

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Marriage…or Not

Traveling to Cuba this past week had me thinking about all sorts of things from politics to religion to lifestyles. Traveling always makes me think. This time, a chance encounter in the beautiful blue waters of the ocean left me pondering an age-old question.

I was floating around in the ocean on my hot pink inflatable float when a very attractive middle age blonde woman said hello.  This was the beginning of a 30 minute conversation in which she bared her soul. I’m unsure why she felt “safe” enough with me to discuss her very private life, but for some reason she did. Maybe she needed someone to talk to or maybe she was thinking out loud.

The conversation began innocently enough when she asked where I lived. I responded and she shared that she lived in Paris. Of course, I was curious about why an American born in the bread basket of America ended up in Paris. She explained the path she took to get to Paris which included a marriage, children, a divorce, a GREAT job, another marriage, another child and another divorce. As she shared her life with me, she asked if I was married.  I responded that yes, I’ve been married for 38 years. Her fast and ready response was, “How did you do that?”

“Do what?”

“How do you stay married for 38 years?  I want to know!”

I thought for a minute and then shared that we respect each other’s differences, are loyal and committed to each other, yet give each other independence. I also shared that we support each other’s dreams and goals even though they may not be our own. ( I thought that saying we loved each other might sound a little trite.) Of course, she asked questions about how we managed to have independence and yet remain loyal and  committed.  As the conversation continued, I learned that she enjoys a lavish lifestyle dating very wealthy men, has been proposed to many times, with one of those proposals offering her the opportunity to live a life of extreme comfort with yachts, private jets, lavish vacations, beautiful homes and never working another day in her life. Her response to that proposal and lifestyle was: “I think I’d get bored. BUT, I would like a lifetime mate.”

The conversation waned and she walked out of the crystal blue sea to meet her friends. I couldn’t help but continue to think about her question. So, I decided to ask you, the readers:  “What is the secret to a long and happy marriage?” Share with me please.

I need your responses so that the next time I get caught in the big blue sea on my hot pink inflatable float, I’ll be ready with great answers!

Karen

4 Replies to “Marriage…or Not”

  1. LP says:

    Always marry your best friend!

    • karenlordrutter says:

      You are right. Friendship is so very important in a marriage. Day to day living is just easier when you are married to a friend as well as a lover.

  2. Mikella says:

    Not only does saying “we love each other” sound trite, but the older I get the more I think love is one of the smaller ingredients in a happy marriage. Or maybe… I think people define love with words that are more active than just a feeling. People define love with mutual respect, putting the others needs first, etc. But the dictionary describes it as literally just an intense feeling. If it is just a feeling then it’s a small factor in marriage. I love my dog but if I didn’t feed him, he’d starve. I’m rambling. Good post though.

    • karenlordrutter says:

      I don’t think that’s rambling. My own husband says that the words are used so flippantly that the intense meaning assigned to the word has been lost. There’s a song that describes it well…”Love is something you do”. Showing love is much more difficult and takes much more effort than rattling off three words. Of course, the ideal is to hear the words and subsequently see the action.

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